I am a very sensitive, emotional person. Over the years, I've learned to put up a facade in order to appear otherwise, and in some instances, I have a thicker skin than I used to. But really, I am a soft ball of emotional mush.
Most of the time, it's an awful affliction to have -- the propensity to cry.
I cry at movies. My family drives me INSANE by looking at me to see if I'm crying at sad moments on the screen. I actually get pissed and end up stomping off. Can't a woman cry in peace?
I cry at stories I hear or read about.
I cry if I attend a funeral to support a friend, even if the deceased is a person I've never met.
I cry when I think about the fact that my youngest child is nearly 8 years old, or the fact that my oldest is nearly a bona fide teenager and high school student.
It's mortifying to be crying at a movie when the person you're with is dry-eyed, or when you leave a live production or dance performance with red, puffy eyes. No one else looks like that!
And when it came time for our youngest to graduate from the preschool our three children attended for 10 straight years, well … I was a mess. A total weeping mess. Was anyone else surrounded by wadded up tissues? Noooo.
I've tried all manner of ways to NOT cry in the above situations. I physically steel myself. I will my eyes to remain dry. I clench my jaw and stare hard into space. I immediately try to change the direction of my thoughts. I even ridicule myself for being such a wuss.
Sometimes it works; mostly, it doesn’t.
The most I can hope for is that if people notice, they have mercy on me and look the other way or pretend not to notice.
Anyone else out there a chronic crier? I wish so much that I could control my emotions better. I often wonder what's wrong with me? I wish that I was one of those women who remain steely eyed even in moments of emotional turmoil. I am a strong, in-control person with a firm grip on my crazy life. Except for these maddeningly weak moments.
When your 12-year-old daughter has a better handle on her emotions than you do, you know you've got issues.
Pass the tissues.
3 comments:
I'm a crier. I sniffle just talking about things remotely sad/ touching / emotional. Know that you are in good company!
Yup...big crier...sad, happy, even angry...always comes out with tears. Only one that bugs me is that I cry when I'm pissed. Just pathetic but I havent figured out a way to stop it.
Thank you! It feels better to know I am not alone. Really. I often feel I am the only woman who can't hold it together.
Beth -- I remember us talking about that. The frustration!!
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