A change of heart for a doubter?

 My whole life, I've considered myself an agnostic.
 I don't go around advertising that fact; I've learned long ago that it's best to keep quiet about these things unless asked.
 I'd also never give voice to the judgmental feelings I had about people who wholeheartedly believe in religion. I'll be honest. I often thought of it as a sign of weakness, a crutch or convenient excuse. I'd mask my annoyance when someone would credit an invisible higher being for something good -- someone's successful medical procedure, a game well played ... anything like that.
 And I'd also find fault with people who left things up to what they said was God's will. Or claimed something terrible happened because it's all in his grand plan.
 However, no matter how I felt or feel about such things, I certainly don't go around criticizing people for their beliefs, just as I hope no one openly criticizes me for mine. I have judged them, a fact of which I am not proud, but I have never said as much. Live and let live, as they say. People don't have to agree.
 So, considering my beliefs or lack thereof, I haven't set foot inside a church except for weddings and funerals since I was a very young girl.
 But now, I've had a change of heart. Not really about religion itself -- I'm not sure anything could sway me so easily. But I am considering going to church. Just to see.
 In the past year or so, I've met some wonderful people who I admire greatly. I love their positivity and patience, their spirit of giving and their dedication to their beliefs, all without an ounce of hypocrisy (which happens to be one of the reasons I balk at the idea of organized religion).
 So I've been considering going to their church with an open mind to just see what they have to say.
 I am interested to see how they apply religion to their everyday lives. Unlike some examples I've seen, my friends seem to live their lives according to their beliefs, in some very real and positive ways.
 I am trying to be more open-minded as I get older. I guess the whole idea sounds selfish, but the people I've met so far are the kind of friends I like to have, and it can never be a bad thing to meet new people.
 Life's a journey; sometimes it takes you on some twists and turns you never would have anticipated, and could lead you to surprising destinations.
We shall see.

Me?

Getting a little more out of life

I need something exciting to look forward to.

I try so hard to not be ungrateful. I have three wonderful, healthy children, a good job and a house I (mostly) love. So many people can't say any of those things. And I AM grateful.

But that doesn't mean I can change the way I feel. My family is my world, and I would do anything for them. Sometimes, though, I feel like there's nothing to look forward to beyond work and the usual sports practices and games and dance recitals. There is so little downtime to truly enjoy time with my children.

I think another big part of the problem is the guilt I feel when I consider doing something for myself instead of spending what downtime I do have with my kids. So this is where I find myself.

I'm in a real funk.

I'm not saying I need a grand vacation. My dream of seeing Italy can wait; I'm still relatively young. Even a night out with friends for drinks and dancing; a quiet dinner with my mom; a trip to a big, awesome bookstore or a museum ... that's more along the lines of what I need.

How do people make times for the things they want to do, that they LIKE to do? You read articles all the time about how women should make time for themselves, that it's good to dedicate time to things you enjoy. The practical application of such an idea is not as simple as it sounds.

So I'm curious ...

Taking an idea from a friend … What's one thing that you really like about yourself?

I had a difficult time figuring this one out. I'm more apt to look at my bad qualities than good.
But I came up with something. I love my endless curiosity.

I will frequently get out of bed to consult my dictionary when I come across a new word while I'm reading at night.

I love learning about history and hearing people's stories. I love learning anything new. I guess this is why I enjoyed being a reporter, and now an editor.

And when I meet someone, they probably feel like they are facing the Spanish Inquisition. Um, but in a good way.

The older I get, the more I come out of my shell. I love meeting new people, trying new experiences, going new places …

Instead of becoming more close-minded and set in my ways, I realize I'm slowly pushing myself to be more involved in what's going on around me without so much concern about putting myself out there.

Waah waaaahhhhhh

I need someone to whine to. I can't try to eat well AND not whine about it! That's just asking too much.


Anyone else working to kick the junk food habit?

Oh the agony of eating well

I am eating dry Raisin Bran and drinking water.


It's not easy to not eat crap. I've resisted donut holes, cheeseburgers and ice cream sandwiches within the past few days.

I have to say, except for a few stray Cheese Nips, I've been doing a hell of a job since Thursday afternoon.

This early bird's feeling good!

Have you ever noticed that sometimes, less sleep can make you feel more awake?


This morning, I happened to wake up around 2:45. I usually wake up around 5, but for some reason, I grabbed my book and picked up where I left off. Well, the book was phenomenal, so I couldn't put it down. I ended up finishing the book ("A Child al Confino" by Eric Lamet … outstanding) and staying awake.

I feel more "with it" and energized this morning than most mornings.

Go figure?

Eureka

Gee, I think I know where the high blood pressure and stress comes from.

Working on a 180

I used to be one of those people blessed with incredible metabolism and overall good health. You know, the kind of woman who could eat whatever she wanted and still be thin. Women regularly told me they hated me.

My blood pressure was always low, so much so that even when I was mega-pregnant, the doctor was concerned that I was about to pass out after checking the numbers.

Now, however, my horrendous eating habits and my plentiful excuses for avoiding exercise are taking their toll. My BP is now borderline, and I am close to slipping into bad BMI numbers.

I am constantly stressed, and can't ever seem to relax, even when I make a conscious effort to do so. And I just eat crap food to my heart's content, feeling not an ounce of shame about the stuff I'm shoveling in.

So, in short, I'm a big ball of Ugh. Which is awful, because I want to be a healthier, happier person, especially for my kids.

At work, we have a wellness program, and I finally am taking advantage of it. I am now working with our wellness coach on a plan for eating better, making myself at least take regular walks (gotta start small), and finding ways to manage my stress.

I am known for having little to no willpower, so I really have to keep on myself about it.  I need to think positively about it, which is yet another thing I am not so good at doing.

Has anyone faced similar hurdles? How did you stick to your new plan? Is it REALLY easier to continue to exercise and eat well once you get the ball rolling?

Help! How do you keep your head from exploding?

How do you learn to let things go? To just not let them bother you?

I tell myself I don't have the ability to change some things in my life, so why get angry and frustrated and waste time thinking about them?

Seriously, how do you just stop letting something that's out of your control bother you?

I need ideas for stress relief, how to manage stress. Because things won't be changing anytime soon, and I can't go on dealing with stuff as I am.

And no, I'm not being intentionally vague to pique interest. That's annoying. I just probably shouldn't discuss particulars on here.

So I'm asking ... what works for you guys? What are your ways of coping?

Grow up, moms?

Mom bloggers who constantly complain about their kids or tell embarrassing stories about them ... what kind of a mom are you? If your kids really are monsters as you say, or can't EVER behave, did you ever think that perhaps you are part of the problem? Like a BIG part? Officially diagnosed issues aside, kids basically act the way they are taught to act. Or are allowed to act.

Parenthood isn't all rainbows and butterflies, but what is? But admitting it's not all fun and games is a far cry from some of the degrading and just shameful things moms post in the name of getting comments and readers. Poor kids have no idea their worst moments are on display for all Internet eyes to see.

Freaking technology

I apologize for any difficulty in commenting. It REALLY pisses me off, because I love to hear from you guys, and I know a few of you have told me it's not working!
I've been diddling with the settings. Let me know if you have any further issues? Please? Be patient ... this used to work just fine! Not sure what the problem is now.

"Because that's what Hell is all about - REPETITION. I think in our hearts, most of us know that ...."

It was so, so hard to come back to work today. Back to the same tired discussions and empty promises of change. Same feuds, personality issues, snarkiness ...

How do people wake up every day smiling, happy, ready to tackle the day?

How are people perpetually cheerful, positive, upbeat?

Is it something you learn? Something you're born with? A pleasant side effect of medication?

Really?

So the Weather Channel app has a social media component? Wha...?

I annoy myself

I've come to realize after all these years, that I have a tendency to use self-deprecating humor. A lot.

Does anyone else do that? Is anyone else ANNOYED that they do that?

I'm not saying it's great to be an egomaniac, but it seems pretty stupid to put yourself down. You have other people to do that for you! :)

But seriously ... if you accomplished something, why downplay it? Or why pick out the not-so-great things?

Hello again.

I feel so cliche with this blog. And with this obligatory "Gee I know it's been so long but I've been so busy but I promise to blog more" entry. There are so many mom bloggers out there now; it wasn't like that when I first began. I hate seeming like just another mom who thinks she has something to say that people want to read.

But the truth is, I miss blogging. So many times, there are thoughts I have but don't really feel like sharing on Facebook, or can't because I have some younger friends on there who probably shouldn't read them.

I miss my blog I had through the Reading Eagle several years ago; at the time, it seemed a good idea to quit. But I often regret it. With all the rah-rah parenting bullshit out there, I think it's nice to be honest about life as a parent -- and a woman -- right now, and the challenges and frustrations we face. I mean, you can't tell me all moms have it completely together all of the time, no matter what the sunshiney stories tell you in Mom-mags.

So. Here we go. Hopefully I will get a few more eyes on this thing ... like the old days.